How to pick fruits and veggies in your garden among mosquitoes...

You KNOW you need to pick the ripe fruits and veggies from your garden before they go bad. You KNOW the mosquitoes have been awful. You KNOW the last several days have been very hot and HOPE the heat killed a good number of them or at least convinced the beasts to lay low and stay cool. You KNOW your hope of them being killed is unrealistic, so you plan for protection.

1) Put on long pants, socks, shoes, and a hooded sweatshirt that you tie tightly around your face to limit the available skin. Try this before using mosquito spray because you really don't want to have to shower after picking in your garden.

Get into the garden using this strategy, pick 4 snap peas, and run to the garage for the bug spray.

2) While still wearing the above mentioned, spray yourself with bug spray. Spray a second time just to be sure. Head back to the garden where your bucket awaits with 4 snap peas.

Pick the rest of the snap peas and beans while swatting the creeps away that are buzzing in your face and biting through your clothes, and probably biting the tiny opening under your chin where the sweatshirt tie can't close. Head over to the blueberries. Be excited for a split second that there are so many to pick. Then look at your leg and see multiple mosquitoes biting you. Flail your arms around, drop some of your blueberries, be determined to find those dropped blueberries, put them in your bucket and run back to the house.

3) Get "sworn by" fabric sheets and rub them all over your head, face, and body. Stick a sheet under your hood, over your forehead, to deter the insects from Hell. Stick some fabric sheets in your pockets. Feel confident that they'll be more likely to leave you alone. Head back to the garden.

Pick the rest of your blueberries as you are shocked that the mosquitoes are STILL adamant about biting you, flying INTO your face, and some under the fabric sheet that is covering your forehead. Move one of the fabric sheets in your pocket to between your butt and feet as you're kneeling down and hope this will stop them from biting your butt- which it doesn't. Think about fleeing and leaving the rest to rot. Decide otherwise since you already know you have countless bites and might as well finish the job.

Flail your arms here and there, slap the ones biting your legs occasionally, do a little dance, and keep picking the rest of your raspberries, sun gold tomatoes, and blackcaps. Feel the sweat dripping down your neck and back. Feel the bugs biting you. Feel the prickers from the blackcaps and the thistle trying to get you to drop your handfuls of treasure. Look around once or twice to see if your neighbors are watching you or sneakily taking your picture.

Head back into your home with your bucket of goodies. Feel your forehead start to itch from the fabric sheet. Feel the bites already turning into red bumps on that open spot of your neck. Get inside and take a picture of yourself for the blog you've been inspired to write. Strip off your pants and sweatshirt, upload your picture, and start writing your blog while you feel your face reacting more and more to the fabric sheet's chemicals.

Yep. That's how to pick fruits and veggies in your garden among mosquitoes. Or at least, that's how I do it. I'm open for other suggestions.